Hey everyone,
my name is Lola and I'm 17 years old.
I've had an ED for nearly 2 years now.
I have tried to diagnose myself and I've come to the conclusion that I have EDnos.
I am very hopeful for 2010 (as you can tell from my username) to reach my GW, I hope that I can make
friends here easily with everyone. Hope you are all well.
Luv Lola

Current Mood: happy

Fail!

I don't understand. I don't get it. Why is food so freaking important to people? It's disgusting! And having it forced down your throat makes it so much worse... I cannot stand people jumping in the middle of things and forcing me to eat.

This morning my mom and I were home together and she made me eat. Then she went to the store, my dad came home, and he made me eat! And I mean literally made me eat. WTF?!?!? I'm 22 years old for God's sake! And it couldn't be something healthy.... Oh no. It had to be full of fat and starch and calories! There's no way I'm going to be able to work it all off! YUCK! I was able to get rid of some of it, but not nearly enough.

Tomorrow I work a double, so I'll be at work all day. That means a full and total fast. And not a minute too soon. I'll be on my feet from 10 am until at least 7 pm, so that should work off some of the nastiness that I was forced to take in today. My last weigh in yesterday was at 126.5. I'm still a cow at that weight, and I'm sure I'm up from that considerably.

Part of me wishes I didn't care so much about my weight and my size. I wish I could be normal and not care. But then part of me thinks of what I would be like if that were the case and it makes me sick. This back and forth thing in my head is going to be the death of me. It keeps me locked up inside myself so alone... Even when I'm with someone I'm alone. I don't have much of anything in common with anyone I meet. I can't seem to connect. I'm alone in my head and it seems that no one on the outside can understand me.

I fear that I am doomed to be disgusting, heartbroken, and alone the rest of my life..... :-/

Current Mood: depressed

hi i am new to this community and am just looking for a place to vent and make friends name- lola age- 15 weight- 145  ewww bmi- 28.3 height- 5ft goal weight- 105 eating disorder- i tend to binge and purge sometimes just not eat especially in public but its never consistent

Hey there, if there's anyone out there.

So I started back on my diet a few days ago. 3 I believe. I moved home a couple of months ago and puffed up like a ballon. When I started 3 and a half days ago I was 133 at 5'3 *Yes, I know... Disgusting* This morning I weighed myself in at 127.5. I know I should be happy with my progress, but I just can't be. My body makes me sick.

I've been home alone all day, but my parents left out some stuff they wanted me to eat. *I don't know how to white stuff out or cut it, so I'll just not go there. But know that it was crazy high in fat and calories!* So I cut it up and fed it to my dog. She's a greyhound mix, so she's got a gorgeous sleek and slinder body. I envy my dog, as crazy as that sounds.

I got to sleep in today, which was nice. In a couple of hours I'll be heading off to work, but for now I'm just getting some stuff out. I think if I start trying to regularly post in my journal it will help. At least that's my hope. I have a paper journal as well, but getting support and encouragement every once in a while could be a positive thing.

I feel so lazy and I hate it. Sleeping in was nice, but I've not done much today. Although I'll be on my feet and basically running for at least 4 hours tonight it just doesn't seem like enough. I think perhaps I'll do some stretches and run the stairs before work. Mayhaps that will help me feel better.

If there's anyone out there reading, thanks for making it through my random thoughts. I hope you're all doing well, lovelies!

-Em

Current Mood: discontent

"I don't care how much it hurts I've got to have control!
I want a perfect body I want a perfect soul!"

I am a cow. And it's killing me. The hunger pains are nothing compaired to looking at myself. Feeling my nastiness move as I walk. I cannot believe I've let myself get to this point! I've got to stop looking to other people and look only inside myself. I have random access to a computer and I know no one who thinks like me. At least not in person. So while I'm away from my computer, I am alone. Only me and the thoughts in my head. And that's all it's going to take to get out of the wrong frame of mind. I have been letting fat win, but not anymore. Good luck with your goals, ladies. I hope you're all doing well!

SS & TT

- Em

"Nothing tastes as good as thin feels!"

Current Mood: determined

I'd like to introduce a new site!

It's called GlitterVeins Socialite.

It's one of the very first social networking sites exclusively intended for those with eating disorders. You can check it out at http://www.social.glitterveins.com

You can upload photos, files, create video albums, comment on each other's walls, keep a blog, create and join groups, and much much more!

But best of all, you can connect with others who have eating disorders with the fear of your account being deleted, like on myspace and facebook.

Thanks. We look forward to seeing you.